Worry.

Something you should know about me.  I am a true worrier.  Now, some people say they're worriers, when really they are maybe anxious about something for a while, but then promptly forget about whatever it was they were anxious about.  These people are half-hearted when it comes to the task of worrying.

Not me.

There's a picture of me on our fridge aged about 8 or 9... I have a true 90s haircut, with the massive fringe that started half-way to the back of your head, and am sporting a (then) highly fashionable Sweater Shop jumper.  The one thing that stands out most, besides the awesome 90s garb are the pair of ridiculously big brown eyes; wide eyed and staring in what can only be described as an intensely worried expression.  That's me.  I would worry that the sun wouldn't rise tomorrow if I could (but actually... Living in Scotland we rarely see the sun, so I feel that worry is legitimate...)

Now don't get me wrong, for the most part I have mastered this sinful part of my nature.  I always remember my mum saying that worry is like a puppy, it will follow you around EVERYWHERE until you teach it to 'stay.'  You take your worry to the Cross, and you leave it and tell it to STAY. If it follows you, you take it back to the Cross and again, you tell it to stay.  So I have got good at taking my worries and concerns to the Lord over the years and giving it all to Him, because I know that if I don't, it will all pile on top of me and I will break.  I speak from experience... It has happened before.

And recently I have felt it happening again.  The familiar feelings of fret and worry coming on.  As the price of petrol sneaks up again, and the threat of yet another recession, i can feel myself starting to panic.  The kind of panic that literally rises from my gut up through my chest and into my throat.  It kind of feels like butterflies, except there's no handsome man around to make me feel like that.  It's fear... Pure fear.

But why?

It's at times like this when I really need to give myself a slap, figuratively speaking, and remind myself of what God has done for me in the past.  Here's just one of many instances of His faithfulness:

He provided me with a job tailored to my actual prayerful specifications of 'getting paid to go to youth camps, and to sit and drink tea and talk to people.' I genuinely prayed that, and told friends that as a joke.  I'm now a church youth worker.  I get paid to go on residential adventure weekends.  Tea drinking and chatting about life, love and faith with teenage girls is a given. I also didn't apply for said job, which is another blog post ALL together.

I KNOW who holds my future.

In amidst a dodgy economic and financial climate, the rising costs of living, the uncertain future of the UK, and the general uncertainty that surrounds life as a human-being, one thing is for certain.  My  loving Heavenly Father holds ALL things together.  Nothing moves or changes without His final command.

"For in Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or rulers or powers or authorities; all things have been created through Him and for Him.  He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17

He is before all things, and in Him ALL things hold together.  Did you get that?

In Him ALL things hold together. 

 Jesus is holding me, my finances, and my future.  I do not have to worry. Repeat that to yourself. 

Instead of worrying, what does Jesus instruct me to do?

"Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and ALL these things (the things the Father knows we need) will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33


What does it mean to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness? I'm no theologian, but I've prayerfully taken a stab at it.  See, worry is a deep distrust in God's sovereignty and promises.  He promises previously in that passage to provide for us everything we need... Worry is an insult to Him.  Why do you think Jesus states, 'You of little faith!!' He promises to provide for us and yet we stress and worry needlessly.

So, instead of going after the things the world claims that we need to be happy, fulfilled and satisfied, seeking first His Kingdom means going to the One who can quench your spiritual hunger and thirst: the Living Water and the Living Bread.  Seek the things of heaven, and use these things to nourish your soul. A fully satisfied soul has no place for distrust, and therefore no place for worry, for a fully satisfied soul knows His Creator alone can sustain.

By seeking first the Kingdom of God, we take the focus off ourselves.  Off our petty world and our even pettier problems.  By seeking first His Kingdom, we do exactly that: we take our eyes off earth and all of its pain and uncertainties and look to the GLORY of heaven.  The Kingdom where peace and perfection reign.  The place where one day I will go with all my sin and imperfection and face my Creator in judgement, only to be counted as righteous because of the atoning blood of the Lamb.

Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and the worries you have now will fade away into nothing.  He will give to us all things as He deems fit.  

"Listen to me... You whom I have upheld since your birth, and have carried since you were born.  Even to your old age and grey hairs, I am He,
I am He who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you; 
I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:3-4

When worry starts to poison your mind, remind yourself of this beautiful truth from The Lord Himself:

I WILL SUSTAIN YOU.

Let's go, techno...

In true rookie style, I managed to delete my first ever blog.  It was beautiful too. It went something like this:

For as long as I can remember, I have kept a journal.  It has gone from being the diary detailing the everyday meanderings of a young teenage girl, to a place of communion with my loving Heavenly Father.  A place of solitude. Of rest.  Of reflection.  Of awe, and wonder, and thanksgiving for everyday mercies and answered prayers.  And often it's pages become tear-soaked; consoling heartbreak, heartache, and the confusion and pain of unanswered prayers. It's pages hold my innermost hopes, dreams and desires, and are privy to my doubts and fears.

It is these journals that have given me the inspiration to write a blog.  In their pages hold whispers from The Lord Himself... Revelations of His Word that have comforted my soul in times of need, and  general musings of everyday life.  The one already written is on worry - something that I do battle with often.  These writings will give you an insight into my sometimes confusing, but always well-meaning mind, and I hope you enjoy the journey.  I will seek to read back over my journals and share with you whatever God puts on my heart.  There will be no theme to these blogs... maybe apart from the fact they will all reference our loving Creator in some way.  They probably won't come in any chronological order... Spontaneity is a rarely used gift which I will indulge in this instance.  To be honest I don't really know what I'm thinking, posting journal extracts online... But hey, honesty is the best policy, and in this day and age of voyeurism... Who doesn't want to see inside someone's mind!

Some might find these posts encouraging - and that is my prayer.  Others may find them intriguing, others still may find them foolish.  After all, what kind of person puts their hope in things unseen?!

Whoever you are, whatever your beliefs.... Welcome.  Read.  Enjoy. Comment. Be kind. Be blessed.